found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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