I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
