Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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