Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
