I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
