oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
