White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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