If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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