My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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