Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
