i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
