Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
