I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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