remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
