Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
