life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
