She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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