I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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