Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
