Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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