you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
