You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
