I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I AM VODKA MAN
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
