i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
