I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're so nebulous sometimes
babies were throwing up all over the place
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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