so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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