This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize