Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
