I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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