I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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