you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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