True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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