this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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