how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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