can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
