I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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