I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
