so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
