At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
