Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
