I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you win again, gameday.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
