I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
