Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm passing your future prison.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
