Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
