going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
