my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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