I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize