Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
