dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
