Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
