TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
