he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
