If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
