I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize