I'm lost and stupid without you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
