if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
