I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
