I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
