it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize