You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
