I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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