I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
