There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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