You're so nebulous sometimes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
