mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
