do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
